Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Things to never do (or do again) before I die

First in a series: 1. Run to catch a train, bus, plane, or any moving vehicle unless my tie is caught in a door. 2. Use the cheapest possible method to get from Boston to New York City. (Ta-Ta, Fung Wah!) 3. Eat Ramen Noodles. (But I can’t promise not to use those addictive Ramen spice packets on fresh pasta.) 4. Order something at a restaurant solely to gross out everyone else at the table. 5. Be in any room where kids and pets outnumber adults. 6. Learn to love a dog that bites or can’t be housetrained, regardless of whether I intend to write a book about said dog. 7. Invent an acronym to use in instant messaging. I’d rather P my G out. 8. Spend my last night of vacation in a café emailing people I could just talk to when I get back to Boston. 9. Jingle coins back and forth between my hands while walking through the Mohegan Sun Casino instead of keeping my winnings in a plastic cup like a normal person. 10. Pick up anything round and shiny off the floor in a room full of slot machines, even if it’s my own goddamned money. 11. Say in a sarcastic voice, “Of course she does!” to someone who claims to be a Connecticut state trooper after he tells me that one old-lady slot-machine player is backing up another old-lady slot-machine player’s story that I ran over and snatched her jackpot money off the floor. 12. Expect to have a good time in Connecticut.

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