Don't take a camera to Filene's Basement

I got a nice spring jacket for $40 yesterday at Filene's Basement, but I almost destroyed a $300 digital camera doing it. The problem was the mirror. You see, I put a lot of effort into appearing as if I don't give a damn how I look. I'm not talking about bad personal hygiene or wearing raglike clothes; both of those things attract too much attention. The effect I'm going for is that of someone who hasn't tried to look fashionable, and thus hasn't failed at trying to look fashionable. This can be tricky to pull off. For instance, yesterday I saw a lot of shiny, dark blue windbreakers in the Basement, the kind that someone of my dad's generation might wear. Perfect for blending into the background — or were they too perfect? I noticed the Italian labels and had the awful thought that my wearing such a jacket might be taken as a attempt at a retro look or, even worse, irony. So I narrowed my search down to two "micro suede" jackets, one dark green and the other brown. But I didn't want to be seen looking at myself in the mirror and betraying how much thought I was giving to this. So I spent a lot of time fingering jackets until I saw that no one was hanging around the mirror. Then I sprinted over, pulled off the leather jacket I was wearing, and slung it over the horizontal metal rod on a rack of pants. I tried on one of the suede jackets, and because I was looking around to see if I was being watched, I didn't notice my leather jacket sliding off the rod. It was only when I heard it crash to the floor that I remembered that my digital camera and my cell phone were in the pockets. The camera now has an ugly gap across the top and one side, as if the stitches on the head of Frankenstein's monster has popped open. It still works if I snap everything back in place, but the gap reappears after a few seconds. My phone was OK, but it was already dented from the time some coins went through a hole in the pocket of the same leather coat and I thought it was a good idea to turn the jacket upside down and shake everything out. It's probably a good thing that I don't have to take care of an infant.