Know when to keep your mouth shut

A source in Montreal adds another item to my list of old-man noises to avoid, including grunts when I pick something off the floor and exaggerated expressions of satisfaction ("Ahhh!") with a glass of tap water. So I will never check into a room in a bathhouse, take off all my clothes, leave the light on and the door open, lie on my back in what I imagine to be an enticing pose, fall asleep, and snore loudly enough so that everyone in the place wanders by to see who is having his way with an asthmatic water buffalo. The closest thing to making this faux pas in Boston would be to log on to Manhunt.com and send the following instant message to everyone online: SCHKKKONXXX........